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Making friends?

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blackonblack • Moderator Posts: 564 Likes: 384 Gender: Female	Post by blackonblack on May 31, 2016 10:47:07 GMT -8 Do you have a lot of friends? Do you find that it's hard to make friends? To keep friends? All my life, since I was a child I have had this issue. I don't tolerate a lot of shit other people do, because I deman to be treated with the same respect I treat you. It seems even as a child "friends" like to blow me off/ditch me (not show up to things we planned to go to together), be very vague about making plans instead of giving straight forward answers (I think because they want to keep me on the back burner in case they don't have anything else to do), etc I've gotten to the point that some people I will talk to sometimes but will NEVER hang out with again, and others I have cut off completely. I'm particularly bothered because one day I want to get married when I meet the right man...he'll probably have all sorts of friends to be groomsmen, but I'll be lucky if I can find one friend. I figured that I would have family (aunts and my moms friends that I grew up around) act as bridesmaids. It's just disappointing. I can't throw a party because I don't feel like any of my "friends" would show up (I graduate next year). I don't think I ask for too much. I've even told one person the things that she does that bothers me (in an effort to make our friendship work). Example ignoring messages (texts or private messages) but then blowing me up if I can't get back to her, ditching or blowing me off for other people when you made plans to hang with me first, lying about how you don't want to hangout because you're tired then you post online about how you're out at a bar, etc These are things I don't do. If I don't want to hang I'll tell you no. If I have other plans I'll let you know and maybe invite you to come with my other friends, I don't lie...that's why I feel I don't ask for too much. I will go to a lot of places alone, however the bar or a club isn't one of them. I no longer hang with people from work. I used to never do it, then I tried it some pissed me off so I left them alone. They started acting like lil kids at work and I don't have time for that shit. Does anyone else seem to have similar problems? It just seems yards to find REAL friends as an adult and in this generation (I'm 30).

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blackonblack • Moderator Posts: 564 Likes: 384 Gender: Female	Post by blackonblack on May 31, 2016 10:50:09 GMT -8 True or nah?
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Making friends? Posted May 31, 2016 10:50:09 GMT -8 via mobile Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top

sharknife • New Member Posts: 26 Likes: 16 Gender: Male	Post by sharknife on Jun 1, 2016 14:13:44 GMT -8 May 31, 2016 10:47:07 GMT -8 blackonblack said: Do you have a lot of friends? Do you find that it's hard to make friends? To keep friends? . [ You kinda sound like my dad, odd enough. We're both pretty amiable dudes but we're kind of blase' on the keeping friends thing. It's easy to make them on a pro visionary level but deeper takes time. That and I'm kind of big on work ATM so less time to hang out really
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Making friends? Posted Jun 1, 2016 14:13:44 GMT -8 via mobile Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top

MelaninMonroe • Administrator Posts: 731 Likes: 477 Gender: Female Favorite Drink? Margarita Mood Ready to Murk	Post by MelaninMonroe on Nov 11, 2016 10:54:10 GMT -8 I never saw this thread, smh. I'm half and half. I've always been the kind of person who always had two friend groups, the small group who I considered close friends and the large group of friends who were just for casual outings, gossip, etc. That's was really in middle school through high school. Since college, I've changed a bit and I only really have time for a small group of friends. And when I say small I mean one or two. There was an author who was talking about this particular subject and said take a 1 inch by 1 inch box and write the names of your closest friends. The names shouldn't exceed the box. That's all you need, and I agree. You'll find your stride. I've noticed a lot of people do what you listed, blackonblack. The not texting back on time to ditching. Sometimes, people just normalize that behavior. If you tell them how you feel and they still continue, you just continue cutting them off. Me personally, I've still kept some of them as friends but I don't ask for anything from them, I don't run after them to hang out or talk. If we talk/hang then we talk/hang. All you need is one dependable friend. And about the marriage thing, I'm assuming that's still a while away. You still have time to make friends. I've made friends who we became as close as sisters after a few months. You never know.
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Making friends? Posted Nov 11, 2016 10:54:10 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top

Admin • Founder Posts: 1,937 Likes: 828 Gender: Female Favorite Drink? Grape Juice Mood Sick	Post by Admin on Nov 12, 2016 1:27:13 GMT -8 I'll be back to add more, but I am really bad with keeping in touch. This goes for everyone, including my mom sometimes. I suck at texting or messaging people back, calling folks, emailing - everything. I'm not sure how to tell people it's not personal because folks seem to take it that way no matter what.
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blackonblack • Moderator Posts: 564 Likes: 384 Gender: Female	Post by blackonblack on Nov 12, 2016 21:49:29 GMT -8 Yea, I've gotten to the point that I haven't cut certain people off so that IF I want to hang out I can. I no longer jump at the chance to hang out with them. I've made it clear what I don't like and they continue to do it, so I'm good. It's not in my nature to be flaky, though so it's different. It seems our generation is like that now. No loyalty, flakes, no respect, etc
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Noire • Follower Posts: 124 Likes: 77 Gender: Female Mood Victorious	Post by Noire on Nov 13, 2016 9:38:45 GMT -8 It's not the quantity of friends that you have, but the quality.
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Admin • Founder Posts: 1,937 Likes: 828 Gender: Female Favorite Drink? Grape Juice Mood Sick	Post by Admin on Nov 13, 2016 12:11:12 GMT -8 #TeamFlake right here! I've had to cut so many people off in my life. It started in childhood. I had to cut adult relatives off as well as other kids. Kind of weird thinking about it now. I don't make friends easily because of that.
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Making friends? Posted Nov 13, 2016 12:11:12 GMT -8 Edited by Admin Nov 13, 2016 12:12:29 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top

blackonblack • Moderator Posts: 564 Likes: 384 Gender: Female	Post by blackonblack on Nov 14, 2016 17:59:45 GMT -8 Nov 13, 2016 12:11:12 GMT -8 Admin said: #TeamFlake right here! I've had to cut so many people off in my life. It started in childhood. I had to cut adult relatives off as well as other kids. Kind of weird thinking about it now. I don't make friends easily because of that. Same. I've always easily cut ppl off. I find it's hard for me to maintain friends because I'm not with the bullshit. If I say I'm gonna hang with you I will, I dont ignore your calls and texts, shit like that. I'm very loyal, but loyalty only gets you so far in this day and age.
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Admin • Founder Posts: 1,937 Likes: 828 Gender: Female Favorite Drink? Grape Juice Mood Sick	Post by Admin on Nov 14, 2016 22:46:00 GMT -8 Nov 14, 2016 17:59:45 GMT -8 blackonblack said: Nov 13, 2016 12:11:12 GMT -8 Admin said: #TeamFlake right here! I've had to cut so many people off in my life. It started in childhood. I had to cut adult relatives off as well as other kids. Kind of weird thinking about it now. I don't make friends easily because of that. Same. I've always easily cut ppl off. I find it's hard for me to maintain friends because I'm not with the bullshit. If I say I'm gonna hang with you I will, I dont ignore your calls and texts, shit like that. I'm very loyal, but loyalty only gets you so far in this day and age. It's so hard for me to make friends. I don't like people to pull my leg, but everyone around me does it. I don't feel comfortable around people like that ever!

Making friends? Posted Nov 14, 2016 22:46:00 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top

shady81 • Follower Posts: 101 Likes: 64 Gender: Female Favorite Drink? Soda Mood Shy	Post by shady81 on Nov 26, 2016 19:00:14 GMT -8 I'm an introvert so I'm very shy, I really don't like being around alot of people because I tend to get nervous and not know what to say especially around people I've known for a long time. I only have one friend and we're like cousins that's because I have known her family (or shall I say my mother has known her family before I was even born.) But she's the only one I talk too. But usually I lose contact with my former friends, or don't deal with former friends because they either take my kindness for weakness or just grow apart. But one is good for me because I can look directly at that person and know who stabs me in the back.
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Making friends? Posted Nov 26, 2016 19:00:14 GMT -8 via mobile Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top